He's Not Good With Words
by whispering nothing
Summary: Angela doesn't want the truth about the letter to come from him, because she can just go on with him believing she thinks he wrote it. Because he's worth it to her.


**So, I've recently rediscovered my love for My So Called Life. What a great show...too bad it was so short. Anyway, this is just a oneshot that I wanted to write. It's right after Angela and Jordan drive away, and Angela knows the truth about the letter. **

Rain pelts against the windows and it's hard for Angela to see out of. She hasn't found the courage to turn and face Jordan yet. Brian's admission is still sounding quietly in her head, and she feels betrayed. The words in that letter had touched her heart, and when she thought it was from Jordan's head, she felt elated and actually loved by him. But, Brian's words are still there. He meant all of what he wrote. Should she actually give Brian Krakow a chance?

"Hey, Ang," Jordan's delicate voice interupts her thoughts. He reaches a hand over and places it lightly onto her thigh. Angela doesn't notice that they've been sitting in silence for over five minutes now, the only sound being the low hum of the rock music on the radio.

"Yeah?" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she turns to look at him. He's so gorgeous to her. His piercing blue eyes that just seem so sad and vulnerable. The perfect pout on his soft lips, that Angela still remembers vividly the way they feel against hers, and she's sure she'll never forget that feeling.

"So, um, you kind of look, you know, like you have something, to like, I don't know, talk about?" He's nervous. He's not supposed to be good with words, and talking to girls. He can easily get them into bed, or atleast to make-out with him, but Angela was different. He didn't want to just get her into bed with him; he wanted her, all of her.

"I, um, I just, kind of found something out," she bites her bottom lip, not sure if she wants to hear the truth from his lips. They could just go on with him thinking that Angela thinks he wrote that letter. She could be fine with that, because she finally has him. And even though that letter came from Brian, and not Jordan, what Jordan said about his dreams, was enough for her.

"Oh yeah, what?" He looks curiously towards her. He wants her to know that it wasn't him who wrote that letter, but how can he tell her? She _loved_ that letter, and to him, that was almost as good as her saying she loved him.

"I don't know," she turns away, losing the courage to ask him about it. Would it be so bad if it never came out? They could just go on, and be happy. "It's just that, Brian Krakow-"

"Ang," Jordan cuts her off before she can go on. He turns the car into a parking lot, puts it in park, and then leans his head back against the rest, while closing his eyes.

"It's okay, Jordan. I mean, you meant-"

"No, Angela, just stop," he puts his hand up, and turns to look at her. "I really wanted to write that letter."

"It's fine, Jordan, we can-"

"No, I really need to say this."

Jordan draws in a deep breath, trying to find the right words to say. Angela stares at him, wanting to reach out and caress his cheek so he can find the courage to go on. He looks so nervous, and she doesn't want him to be. He has her heart already. There's nothing else he can say that will make her change that.

"I really wanted to, like, write that letter. Well, maybe not _that_ letter, but like, my _own_ letter. But, I'm not, like, you know, good with those kinds of things. I can, like, write lyrics to a song, but I can't like, write words like, well, you know."

He's struggling. He's searching for the right words to say, but he can't find them. For a moment, he wishes that Brian's in the back seat whispering the right words for him to say. But, then, that would be a fraud. He wants Angela to know how _he_ feels.

"Jordan, I had dreams, too," Angela speaks up. "I would be like, walking through the halls at school, and like, in my pajamas, and I'm chasing after you, but I can't catch up to you. And then, like, I'm caught up to you, and I'm screaming at you because of what you did, but you're like, not caring, or just not listening. And I'm screaming and screaming, and you're just-"

"I do care," he interupts her. "I do care," he repeats himself. "And, that's not easy for me. Maybe that's like, I don't know, the reason why I did what I did."

"What?" She furrows her eyebrows.

"I'm not like, used to caring, so, you know, I screwed it up by doing what I did." He's not comfortable saying 'I slept with Rayanne' to her. He's not even comfortable thinking that he actually did it .

Angela stares up at him through her innocent eyes, and he just wants to lean forward and kiss her. She's so different from any girl he's ever been with. So, innocent, and vulnerable, and...her. She understands him, without him even having to say anything. She forces him to be a better version of himself. She gives him something to dream about.

"I seen you with that guy, and, I don't know, I got jealous. And, I like, never get jealous. I had to like, prove to myself that you didn't mean anything to me. And, I don't know, it backfired. Like, then I did this like horrible thing, and I like lost you. And then it was like, I don't know, I needed you."

Angela's face turns into a goofy grin. _He needs her._ She'd been waiting for so long to hear something like that from him. She leans forward and presses her lips against his, and for a moment, he wants to stop so he can keep explaining what he's feeling. But, her lips against his fogs his brain, and all of the words he wanted to say disappear. And when they finally pull apart, that goofy grin is still on her face, and Jordan can't help but smile as well.

"You need me?" She asks meekly with a sort of glimmer in her eyes.

"Well, yeah, but, I didn't like, know it, until I screwed up."

"It's okay, Jordan," she shakes her head.

"It's not okay, Ang," Jordan sighs, and tucks a strand of Angela's hair behind her ear. "I mean, you're not, like, supposed to do, you know, so thse kinds of things to the people you care about. Aren't you like, going to yll and scream at me?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I don't need to, Jordan."

"But, what if _I_ need you to?"

"Jordan, I'm not going to yell at you. You're not supposed to, like, yell at the people you, you know, love."

"Love?" Jordan whispers.

"Well, yeah," Angela turns shy and looks away from Jordan. Maybe she's moved to fast? Jordan reaches over and places his hand under her chin, pulling her face to look at him.

"I, um, you know, um, you too." He can't say it. Not yet. He learned as a child not to ever speak those words, and no matter how hard he tries, he's just not ready to yet. He feels it for her, without a doubt, but those words have come back to haunt him before.

"Yeah, I know," she smiles again. He pulls her forward and once again their lips meet.


End file.
